Revenge on the pervs!
by ToastedLoaf
Summary: Halibel gets sick off Nnoitra and Stark gawping at her, she goes to Szayel with an idea to sort them out, neither of them know how to take the 'chesty' suprise she's given them. Rated M coz later chapters are gonna contain some language.
1. Halibel

Chapter1-Halibels had enough

_Authors notes: I came up with idea after talking to my best buddy about what we think the Espada is REALLY like, not sure why we decided Stark is a perv, but ha it  
made me laugh and gives the story a better plot I guess.  
Yeah there's some O.O.C, I apoligize...but as for the rest please enjoy _****

Chapter1-Halibels had enough!  


Halibel crossed her arms and glared silently at the two men who were openly gawping at her across the breakfast table.  
It was so frustrating, no matter where she was, or what she was doing, there was no doubt that either Stark, Nnoitra or both of them would be not to far away gaping at her chest, or making suggestive comments about them spending a night together with her.  
If they weren't sexually harassing her, then they would be talking about her to anyone who was willing to listen and, seeing as the whole of Espada consisted of mainly men, and all there conversations would start and end with _'Halibel's got huge 'knockers'_ it was pretty much anyone who wasn't Aizen, Gin or Tousen.

Nnoitra and stark turned to look at each other and smirk as they watched Halibel get up from the table and walk out the room, her breasts bouncing with each stride.  
**"Is it me, or do those things get bigger everyday?"** Nnoitra asked with almost genuine curiosity.  
Stark nodded in agreement.  
**"Yeah, they totally get bigger"**  
Anyone who was listening to the conversation was nodding in agreement.  
Halibel gritted her teeth in annoyance as the conversation wafted to her ears.  
For god sakes she was sick of all there perverted conversations and stares they aimed towards her!  
They both needed to learn to control there sexually temptation, especially when the catch wasn't interested.  
How would they like it if they were female and constantly had to put up with this crap?!  
Halibel leant against a wall in thought.  
She watched Szayel bound down the hallway and nodded politely at him.  
He smiled at her and waved.  
She watched Szayel disappear down the hallway before an idea struck her, an idea that would sort those pesky pervs out!  
She quickly raced down the hallway and grabbed Szayel when she caught up with. and although he couldn't see it, she had a huge smirk behind her mask.  
**"Urhm...something you want?"** Szayel asked in almost shocked at Halibel's sudden contact. **  
"You're clever right, Szayel?"**  
He nodded not sure how to respond, he was a scientist so the answer was pretty obvious  
**"You can make pretty much Do or make **_**anything**_** in your lab yeah?"**  
He nodded again, worried about the slight excitement in Halibel's voice and the fact she'd put emphasis on the anything.  
**"Do Stark and Nnoitra annoy you with there consistent perving?"**  
He nodded again, his eyes wide trying to figure out where this was going, what ever it was must involve those two somehow.  
**"Good, coz I have an idea to sort those two out, and you're the only one who can help".  
**Szayel nodded for the final time, gulping slightly as he caught a mischievous glint in Halibel's eyes.  
**"L-labs this way"** He almost squeaked worried about what he was getting himself into.  
Halibel let go off Szayel and folded her arms, he smiled and forgetting about what he set off for in the first place, doubled back on himself and lead Halibel to his Lab waiting to see what she had planned for Stark and Nnoitra.****


	2. Perfect little experiment

_Author's notes:- Sorry it's taken me so long to put the next chapter up, I've had like...no time at all Dx I've had school, revision -_-..Then I had to go on a bloody family holiday and then my mum was all... "Nets been cut off"  
But…nevertheless I have finally managed to write the next chapter and stick it up for you…I hope you enjoy it :]  
I will try and put chapter 3 up as soon as I can…_

**Chapter2- Perfect little experiment**

Halibel watched in silence as Szayel rushed through his lab, adding this there, pouring that into this, this had to be frozen, that can't get on the skin, this mixture was far to thick.  
So many things had to be made, checked, checked again and then finally tested before it could be approved.  
Szayel sighed and scratched his head, before picking up a sealed testube of something that resembled honey and added into the mixture he was already working on.  
"No, that's not right. I'm not trying to_ kill_ them".  
Halibel grunted at this, if her first plan didn't work, then death for Stark and Nnoitra was her next option.  
Szayel grit his teeth and huffed, before this time, taking a purple liquid off a near by shelf and adding it the mixture.  
Halibel folded her arms and glanced around the room, she hadn't realise this whole plan was going to take this long, but then again, seeing the look on those perverts faces when they woke up with a certain…_surprise…_oh, she'd wait the rest of eternity if she had to.  
Halibel began to drift off into a daze as she pictured images of Nnoitra and Stark with rather horrified expressions on there face, running round Las Noches, trying to figure out what the hell had happened to them, she probably would have laughed, if it weren't for the fact she was suddenly disturbed from her daydream by a loud scream of joy and manic laugh, Szayel, it seemed, was finally finished.  
Halibel glanced over at Szayel and allowed a small chuckle to pass her lips as she watched him wave a sealed bottle of golden coloured liquid around, a more than smug look spread across his face.  
"Didn't take as long as I thought it would, infact compared to my other experiment…this didn't take up any time at all.." Szayel grinned and walked over Halibel, the bottle of liquid held tightly in his hand.  
Halibel raised an eyebrow and shook her head, how long did he spend on his experiments then?...it felt like she'd been in the lab for a good few hours…it certainly was less than two, she knew that much.  
"Heh…I'm not particularly bothered how much time it took, more of the fact of…is it complete and can I use it yet?" Halibel uncrossed her arms and held her hand out ready to take the bottle from Szayel.  
Szayel frowned slightly and tutted, time was everything when it came to science, of course the final experiment was important, but without good timing and patience, the experiment wouldn't be worth doing, but of course, how was Halibel to know that? She probably couldn't spell science let alone appreciate the timing of it, he shrugged and handed her the bottle.  
"Use it wisely please" He told her, before turning on his heels and walking to the back of his lab, most probably to complete some other experiment he had lurking about.  
Halibel gave Szayel a quick nod in a way of saying thanks, and waited till he was out of sight before taking her leave from the lab and off to find those two perverted goons.  
She tossed the bottle in the air and caught it a rather joyful feeling spreading through her.  
Oh what a night Nnoitra and Stark were in for, this would be a night they'd never forget.


	3. They think there getting some

_Author's notes__: Okay, I felt guilty for making you wait so long for chapter two…so I decided to write and post chapter three in a hope to redeem my self :D…  
Urhm…not a lot to say really…just…enjoy reading:]_

_  
_**Chapter3-They think there getting some.**

**  
**Halibel paced through the many rooms and hallways of Las Noches in hope of finding both Nnoitra and Stark, hopefully at the same time, it would be so much easier if they were in the same place, if they were… she could put her plan to immediate action, rather than waste time, telling one person to stay in one place, whilst trying to find the other to get in the room as well.  
She listened and looked carefully for any sign of the two perverted Espada.  
Halibel was about to give up search and admit defeat, that was until she heard the sound of loud Snoring…Stark…and the sound of pages being turned then a rather aroused giggle….Nnoitra…looking at some filthy magazine no doubt.  
She shook her head in disgust and followed the sounds to a smallish room, next to the meeting room.  
And just had she had hoped they were both in the same place, and again as she thought ,or rather knew, Stark was asleep, his head on the table, mouth open, drooling and snoring, whilst Nnoitra was flicking through a magazine where a rather large breasted blonde had her legs spread open across the front cover…how distasteful.  
Halibel took a deep breathe and hid the bottle of liquid in the pocket of her clothes and then leant casually against the doorframe, her arms folded.  
"Boys…" She spoke, trying to make her voice sound as seductive as she could, it obviously worked because Nnoitra turned his head quickly to look at her…well her breasts anyway and Stark sat opened his eyes to the same, both boys flashing each other a grin before turning back to Halibel smirking away.  
Halibel moved from the door frame and sat down on a chair, making sure her steps were as bouncy as possible, just so she could keep her audience captivated.  
"Halibaby, what brings you to my attention?" Nnoitra asked still keeping his gaze fixed firmly on her chest.  
Halibel squeezed her fists tight then let her hands relax, urgh how she hated being called Halibaby, almost as much as she hated these pervs.  
Halibel leant back in her chair and put her arms up to stretch_ 'accidently' _causing her top to rise slightly.  
Both Nnoitra and Stark gulped as they watched the fabric reveal a little more than it already did.  
"Well…I felt…_guilty…"_she took a deep breathe, hardly believing she was doing this.  
"I know how you boys like me…well these anyway…" Halibel placed her hands on her breasts for a short second then gave a wink, all the while screaming and cursing in her head.  
"And well, it's not fair if I keep pushing you away all the time…after all it's not your fault you've such a…_healthy_…interest in women…"  
Nnoitra and Stark turned to look at each other, their jaws dropped and there eyes widen, they could hardly believe their ears, this was too good to be true.  
Had either of the men had more sense, they'd have realise that it was exactly too good to be true and Halibel's seduction was nothing more than a trap, but lucky for Halibel neither of them did have more sense and they genuinely believed she felt guilty for pushing them away all the time.  
Stark and Nnoitra turned back to Halibel, gulped again and nodded for her to continue talking.  
"So…"Halibel continued leaning over the table and beckoning the two males closer.  
"I thought I should take pity on you both…perhaps grab some Sake…then head back to room?" Halibel flashed them both a filthy look, or as close to one she could give these idiots.  
Both Nnoitra and Stark obeyed to her beckoning and leaned closer towards, nodding and grinning like Hyena's.  
"I…I think that's a great idea…don't you Nnoitra?" Stark asked looking at Nnoitra.  
"Like you had to ask Stark, it was more than great…but one thing…" Nnoitra said in reply to Stark, before looking at Halibel to ask her a question.  
Her eyes widened a bit, worried that this was about to fail.  
She nodded for him to speak again.  
"It's not going to be a a threesome…is it…'coz…you know…"He glanced over at Stark and gave him a rather disgusted look.  
Halibel rolled her eyes, careful to make sure neither of them noticed.  
"Well if you boys don't want me…" She got off her chair and made it look like she was about to walk out.  
"WAIT! No…no it's fine…we don't mind…as long as your there aswell" the two males chorused.  
Halibel shook her head laughing manically in her mind.  
"Well then why are you both waiting here?...go get some Sake and meet me in my room…I need to…put some more _suitable _clothes on" Halibel then turned to flash them another filthy look.  
Neither of the Espada had to be told twice as they rushed out the room, arguing quietly on how they were going to go about having a threesome with Halibel, she shook her head in digust and left to get ready for the final part of the plan in her bedroom.


	4. The boys scored no wait Halibel did!

_Author's notes__:- :D Man I'm on a role…I have been bored…real bored…so I wrote another chapter…:D…the fourth chapter is complete…and up...I wrote like three whole chapters in one night D: but like I said there and ready for you to read…enjoy…I hope ;]_

**Chapter4-The boys scored!…No wait…Halibel did.  
**

Halibel lay on the top of her bed covers, dressed in nothing but a silk white dressing gown, her legs uncovered and her breasts practically on show, oh god she didn't think Nnoitra and Stark would be _this easy_, but it seemed she was wrong.  
She lay on her side waiting patiently for them to enter her chambers, the bottle of liquid Szayel had made for her was tucked away under her pillow.  
It wasn't much longer before she heard the two man arguing still about how the threesome was going to happen, she rolled her eyes, she didn't see why they were arguing, it's not like anything was actually going to happen…but it's not like they knew that.  
She expected them both to just barge into the room but was quite shocked when they knocked.  
She quickly cleared her throat and then put on her fake seductive voice and called them both into the room.  
"Hmm, come on in then…a woman can't wait all day you know…"  
The door was opened and the two males walked in, Nnoitra was carrying three glasses, whilst Stark was carrying a bottle of Sake.  
They both took one glance at her and licked there lips, this was a moment they had been waiting for, for a very long time.  
They both walked over to the bed and sat on opposite sides.  
Halibel sat up, carefully to not let her dressing gown show to much of her body, and took the glasses and Sake, she poured Sake into the glasses and them handing each of them of one, she watched then take a sip then…  
"Wait boys…I forgot something…"  
They both put their drinks in their laps and looked at her with curiosity.  
Halibel slipped her hand under her pillow and pulled the bottle of liquid out shaking it softly in her hand.  
"A little something to help the mood…" she explained when they both raised there eyebrows at her.  
She undid the bottle and leant over adding a little of it into Nnoitras glass, then Starks, then her own so they didn't get suspicious, it didn't matter if she took some anyway, the experiment wouldn't work on her, it couldn't.  
She then took a sip of Sake as a way to show them it was safe for them drink…well it wasn't deadly anyway.  
They followed her lead but instead of sipping, gulped the Sake down.  
She smiled and topped their glasses up, again adding the liquid and watched as they gulped it down.  
She leant over the bed and placed her own glass on the bedside cabinet.  
She then smiled at them both and pulled them closer.  
They quickly looked at each other and grinned manically before looking at Halibel.  
She leant close to Nnoitra and slipped a hand down his chest, causing him shiver slightly and gulp, then leant closer to Stark to do the same, getting pretty much the same reaction.  
She shook her head and stood up, climbing off the bed and standing in front of it.  
The two male Espada frowned.  
"Was that it?!" they both chorused looking slightly panicked that good luck had run out.  
"Of course not sillies, the funs only just started…"  
Halibel undid the belt on her dressing gown and began to shrug it slowly off her shoulders.  
She allowed her hands to slide up the side of her body and over her breasts, acting as if she was enjoying herself, when really she just wanted it to end.  
The two males were drooling puddles, their eyes follow her hands.  
Halibel slipped a hand inside her dressing gown, then down her body, then…  
SMACK! A slight grunt and chorused snoring.  
Halibel laughed slightly, the liquid had finally began taking effect and now Nnoitra and Stark were fast asleep on her bed.  
"Thank god!" she spoke then turned around and walked towards her en-suite bathroom knocking on the door.  
"It took longer to take effect then you said it would Szayel".  
The bathroom door clicked as it unlocked and Szayel stepped out, eyeing Halibel up and shaking his head, not particularly bothered by the fact she was almost naked.  
"No, you were just to impatience for it to work" He replied, his tone quite harsh, not liking Halibel tell him he was wrong.  
She shook her head and tutted.  
"Hmm, fine…just grab Stark and drag him to his room…I'll take Nnoitra…"  
Szayel nodded and walked over the bed, pulling Stark roughly off it and dragging him with much effort towards the door.  
"The reactions will happen overnight…you have to give the liquid enough time to work it's way around their entire system…" Szayel informed Halibel before opening the bedroom door and dragging Stark off into the hallway on his way to back to his own room, Halibel following only seconds later, careful not to bump into any one, as she was still dressed in nothing but the dressing gown.  
"Oi Halibel" Szayel called over to her, stopping outside Starks bedroom door.  
Halibel stopped also and looked over at him.  
"Hmm…?" she hummed.  
"Why did you need me to be there?" Szayel asked.  
"Incase the liquid took to long to react and things started getting a bit out of hand.…"  
Szayel nodded.  
"It wouldn't have…but basically to interfere before you ended up fulfilling these two's wildest dreams…"  
Halibel nodded.  
"Yeah pretty much"  
Szayel shrugged and then opened Starks bedroom door, dumping his body on the floor somewhere and then leaving to go back to his lab.  
Halibel dumped Nnoitras some where in his room and then left to get changed and go to sleep.  
Tomorrow would be worth waking up to.


	5. Holy CRAP! there huge!

_Authors notes__: And the last chapter I'll write for tonight…is chapter 5…chapter 6 can wait…because my fingers are starting to hurt from all the typing T_T…same as always please enjoy :]…_

_Sorry this chapter isn't as good as the others _ it was kind of rushed as I was running out off time to finish it before I had to revise =_=_

Chapter5-Holy crap there huge!

  
Nnoitra shifted on the floor and groaned in discomfort, his head was pounding, his chest hurt and felt…lumpy? and he couldn't remember a damn thing that happened to cause it all, one moment he was enjoying flicking through the pages of large breasted blondes with no panties, the next thing he was in Halibel's room…then he'd woke up feeling rather strange.  
He groaned and sat up rubbing his fore-head softly.  
He yawned, stretched then stood up and made his way to bathroom, he was also desperate for a wee.  
Nnoitra hadn't really thought much of why he felt so odd, after it's not like the first time he'd woken up on his bedroom floor feeling achy, he just assumed he'd been drinking or something.  
Leaning over the toilet, panic struck through his body, it had gone!, his most prized bodily part had vanished.  
"What the FUCK?" he shouted loudly ripping his trousers off and peering down at the lower region off his body…was that a…what the hell?! Why was that there, on his body! Nnoitra may not have bright, but it didn't taken a scientists to work out that Nnoitra should NOT have any female lower regions.  
"Fuck, fuck FUCK!...holy shit what's happening" Nnoitra began to curse loudly before something struck him and he quickly slid his hands over his back and body.  
Tight round ass, curvy hips and…HOLY CRAP HE HAD BREASTS…BIG BREASTS! HUGE BREASTS!  
Nnoitra gave a loud scream, which instead came out as a rather girlish squeal and rushed over to check himself in the bathroom mirror.  
What he saw when he looked at his reflection was enough to almost kill him, he had long fluttering eyelashes, plump kissable lips and rose cheeks, not to mention he also could also clearly see that he had BOOBS!  
Nnoitra gave another girlish squeal and kicked the sink hard.  
What the fuck had happened and why the hell was he a woman! A god damn chick…a rather good looking one of course…but nonetheless still a bloody girl.  
Nnoitra turned back to the mirror to double check he wasn't just imagining things, but was distracted by a squeal that sounded similar to his, that was a feminine squeal no doubt and he knew for sure that wasn't Halibel.  
Racing to put his trousers back on, Nnoitra exited the bathroom, then his bedroom and into the hallway to be faced with a large breasted Brunette with shoulder length hair and rather fluttering eyelashes.  
"Stark…?" Nnoitra asked raising his eyebrows.  
Stark nodded not really what to say  
The male…or rather females looked at each other then screamed.  
"I'M A FUCKING GIRL!" they both chorused they fell to the floor on there knees and began to blub like…well girls.

Halibel sighed happily as she listened to the horrified screams of the once male Espada perverts, it seemed they had woken up and that her plan had gone perfect, perhaps now they would learn a thing or two about women, and how they liked to be treated.  
She chuckled to herself then rolled over in her bed to drift back off to sleep to the loud shouts and screams of 'Why are we girls WHY?!'


	6. Does this make my bum look big?

**Chapter6-Does this make my bum look big?**

**Authors notes:  
**_Dx i know, i know! I haven't updated in so longggg..i'm sorry, i've just had a hella of lot on my mind, i'd completely forgotten about my fic, but nevertheless, here is a new chapter.__**  
**__It's rough, so the puncutation, spelling mistakes ECT. Haven't been checked, i kinda wrote it then posted it...i'm busy..i apologize now, and will check it when i have time X__x..please enjoy?  
_

Morning it seemed, was going to be an interesting one, in less than hour, both Stark and Nnnoitra were expected to be at the table with the other Espada, ready to enjoy, what Aizen said 'the most important meal' of the day.  
Neither of them usaully minded breakfast, it was always a treat, especially for Nnoitra who would indulge in anything he could cram in his mouth, Pancakes, toast, cereal, if it was a breakfast, god he'd eat it, and he wouldn't even put on ounce, not only was Nnoitra the tallest of the Espada but also seemed to be the thinnest.  
Yet today, breakfast suddenly seemed out of the question, Nnoitra had more important things to worry about.  
Staring into the floor length mirror in Tesla's room, a deep frown on his face and his hand constantly running over his sides, he couldn't help but notice how HUGE his hips were, and geeze? Had his ass always looked THIS big? It was the uniform? Surely it was the uniform...no it was becuase he ate to much, tha'ts it wasn't?  
Nnoitra growled and looked at Tesla, who was sitting on the edge of his bed, trying his hardest not to giggle at the fact Nnoitra and not to stare at his ass.  
**"This uniform? That's what it is right?"** Nnoitra voice came out in a high panic, he cringed at the sound of his voice.  
Tesla gave him a confused look.  
**"Urhmm..yes?"** Tesla replied, shrugging, what the hell was he/she? On about.  
Nnoitra's eyes turned to slits and turned his body so he was stood infront Tesla, Tesla cringed, oh crap he was about to get a punch, or worse, Tesla bit on his bottom lip and closed his eyes, waiting...waiting...nothing, he opened his eyes to see Nnoitra standing infront of him, arms crossed and a perfect pathetic look on his face, was he about to cry? Oh god he was, this time Tesla didn't hold back a smile.  
**"Nnoitra-sama?"** He asked, trying to sound all innocent.  
**"I'm fat! Really fat! Look at my ass Tesla!"** Nnoitra turned around and Tesla's eyes imdientantly obeyed, urgh this was creepy, he was checking Nnoitra out, but it didn't matter...he had boobs now, it was perfectly normal right?  
**"Your not fat Nnoitra-sama"**  
**"You just said i was! Make up your mind!"**  
**"No, i never said you were fat, i didn't know what you were even talking about..i just agreed with you.."**  
Nnoitra turned and looked back at Tesla, this time he stuck his hands on his hips.  
**"Oh, so now your not listening to me?..i asked you if this unifor- oh forget it! I'm wasting my time..you don't understand me at all"  
**Nnoitra threw his arms in the air, and stormed out the room, slamming the door behind him.  
Tesla blinked, slightly confused about the whole situation, and then burst into laughter, was that really Nnoitra? Had Nnoitra...the Nnoitra, the arrogant, rude, violent Nnoitra, just stormed out of his room becuase he thought his ass was huge? Oh god this was perfect, though Tesla felt guilty at how amusing he found this, he couldn't help but be happy, this was perfect, he was now able to get revenge for all the times he'd been treated like muck, and all he had to was say three little words.  
_'To many calories'._


	7. Sleep is bad for the complexion

**Authors Notes: **

_*Falls down begging for forgiveness* I am so sorry I haven't updated, I'm such a slack, i just finished all my exams and got this new mobile broadband thingy and EVERYTHING is blocked, I can't even bebo!  
But nevertheless I have returned with a new chapter, and I hope you like it…  
And…has anyone seen STARKS RELEASE FORM?! *Spoiler?*_

**Chapter7-Sleep is bad for the complexion**

Lilinette jumped up and down in a hyperactive way, waving her arms and squealing.  
Stark on the other hand was staring into a mirror, running a finger along the invisible dark bags under his…well her eyes.  
** "Stark this is greattt, we can stay up late and…and do make-up and tell each other **who we fancy and and! I can do your hair" Lilinette said through a squeal wrapping her arms around Starks neck.  
Stark turned his head slightly, so he could see Lilinette in the mirror, he wasn't sure, but for some reason the idea of a make-up sounded so appealing. A make-over, hm that would help his eyes look a little more healthy right?  
Lilinette jumped off Starks back and stood there, hands on hips, moving her head up and down like a nodding dog.  
Stark took one last look in the mirror, then turned around and smile.  
**"Will it cover these bags?"** Stark asked, tilting his head and flipping his now straight shoulder length brown hair, more to the left.  
Lilinette continued to nod, hopping from one foot to the other.  
** "Yeah! I'm so good with make-up I do Apache and Mila's sometimes"  
**Stark nodded and gave Lilinette a thumbs up.  
She squealed and began to bounce up and down again.  
Stark grinned sheepishly and looked around his room, urgh his bed was so messy, and it kind of smelt, he spends way to much asleep! And now he was paying for it. Bags under his eyes, his hair was flat and dull and he was beginning to smell like a mattress.  
He frowned again, the more he looked at his face, the worse his complexion.  
He turned again to speak to Lilinette, but she shushed him.  
** "Wait here Starkerella!"** Lilinette spoke, rushing out of the bedroom.  
Stark blinked and shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for Lilinette to return.  
He began to wonder how Nnoitra was doing, and guessing by the sudden burst of giggle, that couldn't belong to anyone else but Tesla, he guessed not so well.  
Lilinette returned, distracting Stark from his thoughts by placing a large make-up bag on his lap.  
** "Hmm, green, I think green will suit you"** Lilinette grinned, pulling out a rather bright eye shadow.  
Stark smiled widely, and clapped his hands together.  
** "OMG that's so pretty Lili"** he said excitedly…wait…did he actually…say that?  
**"I know! I know you going to look so cute for breakfast!"**  
Stark grinned even more, closed his eyelids as Lilinette began to place green eye shadow on them.


	8. A chair for Stacey

**Authors notes**:  
_Yes again, I've been slacking but but BUT! FF is blocked on my PC for having 'mature contents' Kind of annoying! The internet was made for 'mature contents' damn it mother and your family safety filter!  
_

**Chapter 8-A chair for Stacey.**

Breakfast—the moment of truth for those two particular Espada members.  
Nnoitra was the first to arrive at the table out of her (or was it him?) and Starrk.  
Nnoitra kept his head held high and his eyes were narrowed to slits, his whole expression had that _'don't make me kill you'_ look, he tried to act as if her were bothered by the whole 'gender bender' thing, that was until he took his seat and was bombarded with numerous wolf whistles, and rather crude comments.  
**"…We've a new female?" **Nnoitra turned his head to the end of the table where Grimmjow was happily looking every where other than Nnoitra's face.  
**"Nah, it's just ya imagination"** Came a sarcastic reply from Szayel, who's smug grin was giving Nnoitra a reason for concern.  
**"Ya can't imagine up breasts that good"** Gin cut in, before leaning over and poking Nnoitra's left breast, only for his hand to be slapped away.  
WTF? Did the Espada not realize who Nnoitra was at the moment?

The table burst into a fit of giggles as Gin began to comment how he liked his women to play hard to get only causing more jeers and gags. Nnoitra grit his teeth and stood up, ready to punch the lights out of that creepy fuc-  
Nnoitra's thoughts were cut short as Aizen beckoned him to sit down.  
**"Ichimaru as my sub-ordinate and a leader to the arrancar, you should pay our new members respects—I don't think..._Nancy..._appreciates it"  
**Nancy—Oh real original Aizen Nnoitra thought as he took a seat, and the table began to whisper amongst themselves. So Aizen recognized him, but decided he'd play along? What a jerk-off.

A short silence followed, before Grimmjow spoke up again.  
**"Nancy—ya lucky Nnoitra ain't here, if you think Gin's bad well…where is he anyway"  
**Everyone seemed to nod in agreement with this comment.**  
**Nnoitra blinked, actually offended by that comment, how was he worse? And dip-shit Sexta...Hello Nancy IS Nnoitra.  
Nnoitra grit his teeth and ignored the comment, helping himself to—bread, the lowest calorie item on offer.

Not long after Nnoitra began to eat and things finally began to settle--Starrk arrived.  
The noise stopped. The eating stopped, everything seemed to stop.  
Aizen spat his tea out and blinked in shock, Gin seemed to drool on the table and even Tousen seemed to have to rub his eyes—and he was blind!  
Nnoitra kept his eyes on his fellow--once male companion..so where Starrks piss-takes?  
Starrk kept his head low, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.  
This was bad he thought to himself, no it was more than bad, the Espada were going to laugh. God he couldn't even find anywhere to sit, like he needn't to look like more of an idiot.  
He stood at the edge of the table, curling a strand of hair around his finger and spoke quietly.  
**"Some one got a chair for me?"** Starrk asked almost in a whisper--Cue laughs.  
Six chairs suddenly became free as nearly every male seemed to want Starrk to have their seat. He blinked, they began to squabble.  
"**You may have my seat Madam"** Ulquiorra told him.  
**"How about my lap sweet cheeks?"** at least three people said.  
Starrk grinned, they'd no idea who he was, even better he was fucking hot, ha screw the laughing he wanted the attention!  
Starrk took take the seat nearest to him, lapping up the attention.  
before Nnoitra stood up again, and slammed the knife he was using to butter the bread with down on the table.  
**"Take mine. I'm going anyway"  
**No one except Starrk seemed to hear. Nnoitra grit his teeth, he comes in covered from head to toe and everyone laughs, Starrk turns up in a mini-skirt and eye shadow and everyone rushes to his side.  
This meant war.  
Nnoitra left, muttering the word 'whore' as he gave Starrk a final glance, before looking, only to seeing Szayel shaking his head, apparently that reaction was not the one Starrk was meant to have.  
Nnoitra hurried out Aizen's words ringing in his ears**"This everyone is our _new number one...Stacey"  
_**Hm. More like, this everyone, is battle of the boobs! this was war for Nnoitra**_._**

I tried to edit it as much as i could for punctutation Etc, so please ignore the mistakes and enjoy it anyway.****


	9. Yylfey Gok Wan

**Authors note: Sorry it took so long for this chapter, no excuses D: I'll try to get the other one up asap. It's rough, so the spelling etc will be crap, but otherwise Enjoy (:**

**Chapter 9**-**Yylfey Gok Wan.**

The damn cheek of that…that slut! Thinking he was better than Nnoitra just because he wore a skanky skirt and make-up like he'd been in a fight with Crayola!**  
**Nnoitra didn't want to be a girl! He hated girls, and mostly when he found out who had the cheek to do this, that fucker was going to die!  
But for now, he had to put revenge aside, he had a bigger problem, he was at War. War with Stacey the slut!

No one was better than Nnoitra, especially not at looks, back when he had the parts, Girls were screaming to get with him, now as a girl, he'd make damn sure that all the…well everyone was!  
But how? How did he do it, he had no clothes, no make-up and the only source of help, he'd knocked out earlier, Damn Tesla being nice to Starrk.

Nnoitra sighed, stepping over his unconscious Fraccion and the pile of torn fabric where he'd attempted to make his clothes. Fail.  
How could people think Starrk looked good! Geeze, his ass was hanging out of that 'skirt' and his make-up looked like he'd in a fight with Crayola.  
Nnoitra growled and slumped on his bed, he closed his eyes wanting to rest until a voice interrupted the peace.  
**  
"Ya know Honey, sleeping isn't going to make you better than her, you've got shape up, dress up, you get it?"****  
**Urgh, Yylfordt Granz, just wanted who nnoitra wanted to see. He ignored Fforte.  
Yylfordt just giggled and helped himself into the room, throwing something that resembled a body bag at Nnoitra, he sat up.  
"**No numnuts, it's a dress not a bloody body bag"  
**Pyshic much? Nnoitra unzipped the bag to reveal a long black PVC skirt and a white tight blouse.  
** "The business look, no one can deny that, you'll amazi-"  
"Yeah, I get it, now Shut it gok wan and help me change."**  
Yylfordt smiled, Nnoitra began to change, he hated this idiot, he really did, hated him almost as much as he hated Stacey, but he needed the help. Anything that might make him better than Stacey he went for.

What seemed like hours later, Yylfey stepped back and grinned.  
Hair, make-up, clothes, Nancy Nnoitra, was hot. Really hot.  
** "What do ya think Nnoi?" **Yylfordt asked looking over the female/male.  
Nnoitra just grinned, and running a hair through his now curly hair, he ran for the door, well sort of, he was used to 6 inch heels quite yet. Nnoitra paused at the door and looked back.**  
"One, I still hate you, two, why ya helping Fforte? And Three, where'd ya get this?"**  
**"One, I hate you. Two I don't like ugly either and three Szayel gave me a little help. Now Please call me Yylfey it's so much sexier"** Yylfey then pushed Nnoitra out the door before he could ask questions. Or stall.  
** "Go shake your money make Nancy"** Nnoitra left. War was On.


	10. Sore nipples and cramps

**Authors notes****: **Well I can honestly say I'd forgotten all about this fic and now I've been reminded I think I owe to everyone who's followed it that I perhaps should update it, so yeah, here you go and a huge big sorryyyyy to everyone for such a long wait!

Also I don't own any of Tite Kubo's creation, if I did, and then this fic explains what would happen.

**Chapter 10-Nipples and cramps  
**  
Nnoitra was more than pleased with his/her 'new look' and by god he was sure everyone else knew, including Stacey, in fact he wanted Stacey to know more than anyone else.

It was a meeting, a normal generic meeting where Aizen complained about how Ichigo was so strong yet could easily be taken down and why was it everyone was failing to do so? At least that's how the meeting was supposed to go, in reality the only ones listening to Aizen's ramblings where Aizen himself and Ulquiorra.  
The others, not including Szayel and Halibel (Who were talking amongst themselves), were too busy gawping at 'Nancy Noi and Stacey Starrk' comparing their breasts, using all the other boys to back up their side of the arguments.  
**"Now listen here slut features I've got the biggest breasts! Look"** Nnoitra undid some of the buttons on his shirt and squeezed his breasts together.  
**"No, that's because you've got them squished together like melons in a blanket!"** Starrk said, rolling his eyes. Annoyed.  
Halibel sighed, shutting out the argument between the two idiots and she turned to Szayel, looking stern.  
**"You've told me this would work! And so far all they've done is lap up attention and dress like hookers!"**  
Szayel chuckled and nodded.  
**"Indeed, it is that way at the moment, but when they finally settle into their bodies they'll get a whole new idea on women, especially at this time of the…month"**  
Szayel chuckled darkly.  
Halibel raised an eyebrow.  
**"You didn't, did you? You went that far?"  
"You said you wanted women, and that's what happens when you're a girl right?**"  
She nodded.  
Aizen had obviously gotten fed up and declared the meeting a waste of his time before leaving the room. Halibel stood and leaned over the table.  
**"It's not the size you drag queens want to worry about, it's the sore nipples and cramps"**  
With that she too turned to leave, Szayel following, behind them two voices piping up.  
"**SORE NIPPLES?**!** HUH?"**


End file.
